well, on break in the first class of english 102. whew, nothing like having homework before the first class and listening to an 1 1/2 hour lecture. but somehow, i am strangley motivated. i really am. i don't remember ever being this enthused about high school. i really am looking forward to working my butt off and doing well. i guess the difference is now i am in school because i want to be, as opposed to being here because i have to.
the wind moves the leaves on the trees outside the window, and i am at peace for the first time in a long time. sure, i have been truely happy for a little over 6 months now, but i realize now that i was not completely happy. i watch the lake as the water flows with the wind and i am only right here, right now. i am not planning for tomorrow, i am not thinking about what happened yesterday, there is only this moment. my entire existence is this moment.
let me assure you, i am not on drugs, nor have i ever been. i do not, however, make the pretense of being a normal 20-year old girl. most say i am very mature for my age. i also get people who tell me i appear as if i am 15 in my physical appearance. i find a little irony with these two ideas.
sometimes i wonder if anyone ever has had the same (or similar) way of thinking as me. it is possible, throughout history, that there have been those like me. i don't think anyone really understands all of me. i don't think i would want anyone to understand every facet of my self. it would be unnerving to know someone could get into my mind like that.
i'm glad i have some parts of me i can keep to myself when i need to.