another day, almost over. i keep promising myself that i won't waste my night in front of the tv, and i've done it yet again.
i don't know what sort of weird power it has over me, i just sit down on the couch and turn my cartoons on, and i end up watching a bunch of sitcoms that i don't really like all that much.
i could be doing so many things that make such better use of my time. so why do i keep doing this, every night?
you guessed- I'M LAZY!!! i sit down to relax, and my brain tells me that it would rather stay sitting on the nice comfy couch in front of the mindless tedium than let me get up and go for a walk (yes i know how cold it is right now, but even a little 5 minute walk would be nice) or write something or even just talk to lance.
but no- the tv wins again. i am powerless to turn it off, even if i want to. it's sweet voice calls to me, saying that if i only watched a couple more minutes, then i can turn it off and be productive the rest of the night. just the end of this show...then the next one comes on, and i can't just walk away from it- after all, i really do care about the crappy shows that are on tv these days now, right?
i'm ranting, i know, but i just feel like it, and if you don't like it, you should probably just stop reading, because i'm not done yet.
well, i sort of am, because although i really want to rant about my job/boss, i'm not going to make my mood any worse by thinking of any of that, so maybe i am done ranting for now.
i'm not promising anything, though.
i've been reading a whole lot of planitclare lately. she is so honest with her writing, it's like she just lays it all out for people to see, then says "i don't care if you like me or not, as long as i can express myself" and i think that is totally cool.
i'm sure i would express myself better if i could just figure out who i am and what i'm doing here.
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i have been having really vivid dreams lately. not neccesarily nightmares, but not good dreams. i'm running away from someone or something, or i see someone who i'd rather forget about. almost every morning this week i've woken up feeling scared, or upset or wondering why i keep having these pseudo-nightmares. they don't really scare me, but i think they bother me- and then i get bothered that i got bothered in the first place. does that make sense?
my mom & i are going to kansas on feb 15th, to visit my sister- so that will be good. i'll be out of town the whole weekend, though, so i'm sure i'll miss lance. it will have been the first time we've been apart for 3 days since i moved in. i'm not nervous about that, if there is one thing that is constant in my life it's my relationship with him. at least i can count on one thing- right?