ok, so i know that i havent' written in this diary for over a month, but what can i say? i've been busy?
the new job is going ok, it's been very good, hectic, stressful, happy, supportive, encouraging and tiring all over the past 3 weeks (not in that order), but overall good for now. i don't really want to get into work right now, so i'm going to leave it at that.
lance & i got a new computer last night, because the old one died (lance opened it up to take out some components, and the cpu literally fell apart, so it was time to get a new one) we got a Sony Vaio desktop with a flat panel monitor and all sorts of other gizmos and gadgets that i don't really want to get into right now. it's great, it's got pretty colors, i'll leave it at that.
what i do want to get into right now, is that after a month, i finally got an answer from David McCaffrey, and i was glad that he finally emailed me, but the news was not good. in his last emailed, he had informed me that there was only enough material to make 2 more of the dress that i could almost die for, and after that, it would be discontinued. he offered to let me buy it direct from the manufacturing plant. i emailed hime back with some questions, and waited for a month.
the reply i just received from him looked like this:
"Hello Jennifer,
How are you. To answer your questions, the cost of the Blair gown is $2700 USD plus shipping.
If you do buy directly from us, you do not have to come here but rather you can simply order over the phone. Please call me at your earliest convenience at (expensive canadian phone number). I look forward to hearing from you shortly.
Sincerely,. David McCaffrey CEO
"
i added the bold, so that your eye would go the first thing mine did. so yeah, here i am, stuck with this totally impossible hope for an outrageously expensive dress that i absolutely love. and we are getting married in less than a year, so it's not like i can stuff some money into a long term CD or anything. it just sucks. i know that i can have a seamstress copy the dress, but it's just not the same for me. i wanted the real thing. not because of the name (not that that hurts) but because that that is how it's supposed to be in the fairytale. i can't help it.
so yeah, i tried to call my mom, just to sort of let the dissappointment out, but she wasn't home. i wanted to call karen, but my cell is dead, and we dropped the long distance on the home phone because we had it free on the cell phones.
so that's where i am right now. pretty crappy. and i just found out that the reason why lance's mom wanted to talk to him tonight was to ask him if i am ok, because i hadn't seemed myself lately. it's true, i haven't. even to myself. i've slept really crappy for weeks now, and i can feel this sort of background melancholy almost constantly. i don't know what's going on. maybe i'm just depressed. maybe i'm not getting enough sunlight. who knows.
not me.
i just know something is not right, and i don't notice it all of the time, it mostly shows up when i'm alone, driving home, or trying to get to sleep at night, after lance has fallen asleep. or in the morning before i leave for work. i feel like i'm carrying this thing around on my shoulders, and i have no idea what it is, but it gets too heavy sometimes, and no one can help me with it (lance- read: because i haven't told you, not because i think you won't be there for me).
what can i say? i'm in the doldrums.