ok, so i had another amazingly shitty day at work...turns out i have to turn out 900 invoices in the 5 working days left in the month. my monthly goal is 1200, and so far, i've done just over 300.
on top of that, i moved my desk today, and spent the better part of an hour cleaning up some knots from a previous region i had been working on.
i wanted to cry at least 4 seperate times today at work.
i hate it there. i feel so stifled, so stuck. what can i do? i know that we encounter every situation for a reason, and i can respect that, but does that situation have to be so difficult? i feel like my life is going nowhere, like i'm going to be stuck in this dead-end job forever. and then i think of finding a new one...but then i'd have to wait a while for insurance again. then i'd have to acclimate myself to a new environment. is it even worth it? is finding a new job quitting, or taking care of myself? aaaahhhhhh, i hate this in-between crap. i want to do something with my life. i want to make a difference. but how? where to start? how can i make beautiful use of my creativity when i'm stuck in this self-inflicted hellhole? i type 'self-inflicted'- why? because i'm the one that wasn't happy with my last job, so i found a new one. and i put all my hopes & dreams in this new job that turned out to be so very different that anything i had ever thought.
so, how do i get out of hell, when i don't even believe in it? simple, do something.
but what? write? i can't seem to keep at any idea i come up with. stay in my current situation, hoping that i have enough ibuprophen to stave off the migraines & anxiety attacks? there has got to be something better than this...i just have yet to find it...
hey, you wanna give me a job? i'm a good person, really. i'm a hard worker, and i don't need much in benefits...please?
so, what now?