so what do i do? i just got my ass chewed out by my boss, for something that yes, i should have taken better care of, but all things considered, i thought i was doing an ok job after only 2 weeks. if i didn't hold such a strong dislike for the woman, i probably would have started crying in that meeting. but that was the last thing i wanted to give her.
so what do i do? i know that there is a better life out there for me, it's just a matter of finding it. i had a thought this morning about this situation, and i am beginning to think that it must be true: i am in this awful situation right now because i know that i really do want to be a writer, but i sort of gave up on myself when i dropped my writing class. i think it must be god or the higher power or whatever making me stick to a dream of mine. either i can push myself at my dream, even through low self esteem and writer's block, or i can be absolutely miserable in some office job i've only taken because it is safer than taking the chance of trying for my dream and failing. it will never come true if i sit behind an office desk for the rest of my life, but at least that way i don't find out that i can't do it. if i try for it and fail, then what? does that mean i'm a failure, or just that it wasn't meant to be just then. when do i stop reaching for my dream if i haven't achieved it?
i don't know anything, i just know that i must get out of ggf. i haven't even been here a month, but i cannot live like this. i never see lance, or my family, or have time to knit or read or enjoy a meal. it's just rush here, rush there, go home, scarf a meal, sit with lance for 1/2 an hour then go to bed. this is not a life. i have to find my true calling. but- ah, the uncertainty of unemployment? i don't pay the mortgage on the house we live in, but without my income, lance & i would have to move in with parents.
so what do i do? take a chance on leaving this job, and temping whilst i reach for my goal of writing a book and being published -or- stay in the job from hell simply because i'm afraid that we will not have enough money to get by.
i have a way of answering my own questions when i write these things out sometimes...
(ps, lance, if you are reading this, i am thinking of coming home on saturday instead of sunday if the $$$ difference isn't too much.)