another day to go to work...
i got a new project at work yesterday, and although it does appear to finally be a project that i can 'sink my teeth into' (most of the other projects they give me are making copies and pulling files- things i don't mind doing, but anyone can do them) i can't help thinking what's the point? it's not like i don't have enough work to do in the meantime, and that would be ok if they didn't keep piling copies they need made (we have some people in the office who think they are above copying, and that my express purpose in life is to be at their beck and call) and files pulled and all the f*cking computer help they need (most of them don't even have a working knowledge of excel or word, so aside from my regular job title, i'm also resident tech help). this is not what i want to do with my life. i don't want to be in accounting. i don't want to be doing data entry, copying, filing and excel help the rest of my life. but what the hell do i do about it? maybe i'm missing something, but with working 40 hours a week, with almost 2 hours of commuting a day, i barely have energy to come home and make dinner and do the laundry, not counting when i'm sick or injured (back/neck thing currently. i'm too young for this shit). so ok, pushing all that stuff aside, let's say i go to a community college (read: the only kind i can afford) and take a class or two. first of all i'd have to figure out what i wanted to take, but only taking a couple of classes a semester would take me triple the time to get a degree. not that i even think i want a degree, it's just the easiest way to switch careers. i think. why does life have to suck so much sometimes? i just feel so stuck, in this rut that is impossible to get out of. i don't know what i want to do with my life, but i know that this is not it.
just because i can type like 65 words per minute doesn't mean i want to.
oh yeah, and i really really want to cut my hair, but i am terrified to because of what happened the last time i 'chopped it all off'. i hate my face and my hair and my stupid skin. i hate that none of my stupid clothes fit and i feel fat in everything, even though i know i'm not. i hate that i have one friend that i'm still in contact with, and i don't even feel like i can really open up to her at all.
i need a vacation, a very long, secluded vacation from life.